Drunk On Cold Medicine
by TimidBookworm
Summary: Donatello, Daleks, cough medicine and pizza stones! Oh the pizza stone! And don't forget the flux capacitor. Try figuring that one out, I dare you. One-Shot.


A/N: Believe it or not, this actually started off as a request for my drabble/mini-one-shot series 'Little Snippets'. Let's just say I got an idea, my sister got a similar idea and we spent the next hour laughing our butts off while trying to get down vital points and dialogue. Then SkittleBunny117 came in later –

**SkittleBunny117: Not my fault.**

- and added a bit of her own unique oddness.

**SB: Dude, oddness is a blessing – not a sin!**

I never said otherwise.

**SB: Oh…**

Anyway, randomness ahead and I'll also say that at some point we seemed to have blended the 2k3 and 1980's verses together a bit. Not sure why or how that happened but oh well.

Disclaimer: I can't say any of the three of us have any kind of rights to TMNT, Dr. Who, Willy Wonka, Back To the Future or Star Trek –

**-Falafels, Lindors, Princess Toad or Grunts of unknown origins that will descend upon the earth in the y-**

Ahem… *throws skittles over shoulder*

**Noooo! That's a waste of skittles!**

As a last comment, please remember that we were merely having fun, don't take us all that seriously.

* * *

"Nuh-uh dude, its bed time for sickly turtles!"

Donatello groaned as his younger brother caught up to him and barred his entrance to the lab.

"Mike seriously," Don said, supressing a cough and the shivers that wanted to overtake him despite the blanket around his shoulders, "it's just a little bit of the flu. I'm fine."

"No can do Donny." Mike said as he shook his head, hands on his hips, "Master Splinter and Leo both said so. No lab, bed. Oh, and medicine." Donatello groaned again as Michelangelo turned him around and frog marched him back to his room.

"I don't need the meds Mike, I'm fine." he said as he was sat on his bed. Mikey merely crossed his arms and stared at his brother.

"_Fine._" Don finally groaned after several minutes of staring. Mike grinned and bounced off to get it.

*** An Hour Later ***

"I want my computer."

"We've been through this." Leo said patiently, pulling the covers over his ill brother, "You can't have your computer Donny."

"But I'm so close to a break through!" Donatello protested, shooing his siblings' hands away and attempting to get up, "If I can just re-code the flux capacitor I can develop inter-dimensional time travel. Think of the possibilities! I need my computer!"

As far as Leo knew, flux capacitors didn't exist and Donny wasn't working on time travel. Mikey however didn't seem to think of this and said quite unhelpfully;

"Does that mean we could get space pizza from dimension x?"

"Yes, certainly. If I could develop a temporal Wonkavator we could visit pizzerias across the galaxy and sample the delights of alien anchovies and interplanetary pepperonis! But first I must have my computer!" Donatello managed to get to the door of his room before starting to tip over. Michelangelo snapped an arm out and caught his brother's belt, stopping the ill turtle from face planting. Don slowly lifted his head and stared on as if the sight before him, which happened to be that of Raphael's thighs since he was leaning in the doorway, was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Are you aware that you favour you right leg? Now that I'm looking there's a definite, albeit slight, difference in muscle mass probably from bearing the majority of your weight on your back leg in your stances. Yes, your right vastus lateralis is definitely larger than your left and I bet if I looked you're hamstrings and gluteus muscles would have a size difference as well. And the adductors! They're huge! Why are yours so much larger than the rest of us? Oh wait, that's probably from riding around on your bike so much. I wonder if the same reasoning holds true for the obvious bulge that's your sartorius muscle? Maybe it's just a form of muscle deformity, I should probably check that. And your rectus femoris, their size is more likely due to the fact that you like crouching so much, always so aggressive."

"Did he just say I have a fat ass?" Raph asked as he frowned down at the purple banded turtle in confusion.

"Nah," Mike said shaking his head and shifting his grip, "I think he said your butt's uneven." He paused, "And possibly deformed."

"Deformed my ass."

"Yeah, that's what he said!"

"Mikey…"

Leonardo sighed and in a few seconds the three of them got a cranky Donatello back in bed, despite his protests and weak attempts at escape.

"I must have my computer!" he demanded again, "I must finish my sonic screw driver before the Pandorica opens! Krang must not escape!"

"What the shell is a sonic screw driver?" Leo asked, the image of a brightly coloured screwdriver with a cartoon hedgehog on it refusing to leave his mind.

"Dude! Dr. Who for the win! I didn't know Don had such good taste in T.v.! And Krang totally _does_ look like the inside of a Dalek! Exterminieren!"

Before then Leo hadn't had a clue that Mike spoke any German and he had a sneaking suspicion that 'Daleks' were fictional, so Donny would probably have a hard time finding one.

"What do we do now?" Raph asked in annoyance, obviously frustrated with having to physically restrain his brother, "He's gettin' too hard to hold onta, and if we jus' lock him in here he'll jus' build somethin' outta paperclips ta bust down the wall or somethin'."

"Maybe we should feed him a banana." Mikey suggested innocently.

"What would that do?" Leo demanded in exasperation.

Mikey merely scowled at him for a moment. "You don't watch enough television."

"If that's another sci-fi reference," Raph said threateningly, "I'm gunna have ta kill ya! From now on more football and less sci-fi!"

"This isn't helping," Leo cut in, trying to remind them of the situation, "we really do have to find a way to keep him from bustling around his room and hurting himself…or the rest of the house, he'll probably go for the kitchen first if he can't get to his lab."

Mikey suddenly paled, taking his arms from Donatello's plastron to dramatically hold his face, "The kitchen? Not the kitchen! I keep my secret stash of Lindors in there! And my pizza stone!"

"Ya, 'cuz yer pizza stone is what's important here Mikey." Raph growled, attempting to capture and restrain kicking legs.

"How dare you sir! Pizza's even more important then…then… your sai!" Mike points dramatically to Raph's hip.

"What does my sai have ta do-"

Without the arms restraining his chest Donatello suddenly sat bolt upright, succeeding in throwing his last two brothers off in the process, and snapped a finger up.

"Ah, the kitchen! Why didn't I think of it before? The kitchen! Le cuisine! The heart of the home! It is the perfect place to stage a warp jump through time and space!"

"Nice, give him ideas Leo." Raph growled sarcastically.

"We'll all starve!"

"Mikey, we're not going to starve!" Leo grabbed Don by the head and gently but firmly pushed him back onto the pillow, "But we do have to keep him from going wild and removing all the heating coils from our appliances because I'm pretty sure he can't turn our sewer tunnel into a space ship."

"Yes, but if he had a DeLorean -"

"Mikey!" By now Donny was putting up a real fight, making it difficult for his brothers to keep him down.

"Should we give him somethin' ta knock him out?" Raph asked, grunting when a knee caught him in the plastron.

"No!" Mike answered in alarm, "We have no idea how it'll react with his freaky reptilian cold medicine!"

"Mikey," Raph snarled, "ya gave him THAT?"

"Its experimental!" Leo said in disbelief, dodging a flailing arm.

"He said it wasn't dangerous!"

"He also said only to use it in special circumstances because he hasn't fully tested it yet!"

"We'll I thought this _was_ special circumstances!"

"Well it is now!" Raph barked, barely managing to avoid being kicked in the head.

"Man the console Mr. Kim!" Don abruptly shot up into a sitting position, smacking his forehead into Mikey's eye ridge before falling back down. Michelangelo yelped.

"Was that a Star Trek reference?" Leo asked in confusion.

"I think he's gettin' worse." Raphael snarled and frantically started swivelling his head about the room, "Dammit, where's the friggin' duct tape?"

"Why do you want duct tape?"

"Ta tape him down! This is gettin' ridiculous. It's fer his own good – and that of New York City! Who knows what that kinda brain power could do when left unchecked by reason and common sense!"

"Raph," Leo said slowly, looking at his brother as if in a new light, "that was almost philosophical of you."

Mike was still rubbing his offended eye ridge, "Raph. Falafelsizing. The world has gone mad. Are we sure _he_ hasn't been taking the cold medicine?"

"Falafels are somethin' ya eat at an Arabian restaurant ya dough head."

"I know what a falafel is!"

"Ya sure 'bout that?"

"It's…a type of cake!"

Leo would've faced palmed if he weren't busy holding down the still struggling Donatello, though he seemed to have calmed down slightly in the last few minutes. He had an odd expression on his face and was musing energetically about fast food.

"It's not a cake ya dumbass! And you should be-" He was abruptly cut off by a foot to the side of the head.

Michelangelo pouted at the hothead's remark before sticking his tongue out at his older brother, then simply left the room.

"Falafel is quite possibly the most perfect food in the universe." Don said suddenly, "Not only is it delicious and nutritious, but because it is made of chick peas it can be eaten by anyone of any faith or dietary restriction, from vegans to people on Lent. Oh, wait a moment. I guess you couldn't eat them if you're allergic to chick peas. That's very sad; they'll never know the wonders of the falafel. I was going to use it to foster world peace too…damn it."

Mike came back a minute later with a big grin on his face as he proudly displayed the duct tape that he'd found. It didn't take long for the three of them to start taping the ill turtle down.

"This is a great idea!" Mike said gleefully, "I don't have time to sit here holding him down all night, I have Princess Toads to save and armies of Grunts to crush!"

"You're priorities are terribly askew." Donny remarked and for a minute his brothers thought he had gotten his brain back… before he continued, "Of course, in the future there will be armies to crush. Armies of droids, which I will have to compensate for when I build my worm hole generator. I must get to my computer." He attempted to sit up again but this time was hampered by the obscenely large amount of tape strapping him down.

Raph sighed, tore off one last piece of tape and stuck it over Don's mouth.

They took shifts looking after their ill brother and after several hours his muffled ranting dissipated as he fell into a deep sleep. Early, in the wee hours of the morning, an old rat shuffled into the room and placed a blanket over his eldest who was asleep on the floor. He peered down on Donatello who blinked sleepily at him for a moment and tried to sit up. Finding his progress impeded, he looked down at himself with confusion then brought his questioning gaze back to Master Splinter. Gently, the old rat removed the tape from his mouth.

"Master, what's all this about?" Don asked quietly.

"I fear that your cold medicine has some unfortunate side effects my son."

"Drat, I thought there was only a small chance of delusions of grandeur." Don muttered to himself and with a tired sigh, fell back on the pillow.

"I think once you are well enough, we shall have a conversation concerning the abuse of unregistered pharmaceuticals my son. As the kids say: 'just say no dude.'" With a very confused Donatello left in his wake, Master Splinter shuffled off as quietly as he had come.

* * *

A/N: The reference to DeLorean's I actually don't get, but my sister assures me that if I'd seen the movie 'Back To the Future' it would be a lot funnier.

**SB: Alas, poor Trevor. He wished so much to be a ninja turtle. He's dyed himself green and his ears orange in an attempt to make a very small, very fluffy, Michelangelo.**

_TBW's Sister: Of course he's also wearing a voluminous white wig like the professor in 'Back To The Future'. I think he's terribly confused. _

*face-palm*


End file.
